


The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

by Somebodys_Hermione



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 5+1 Fic, F/F, and not knowing what to do about that, post ep 93, something something about other people seeing the real you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24456568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somebodys_Hermione/pseuds/Somebodys_Hermione
Summary: 5 times Beau and Yasha see each other and 1 time they do something about itWritten for Beauyasha Week 2020, prompt: "Ive Seen You"
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 3
Kudos: 94





	The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know how to write summaries for 5+1 fics, sorry

Yasha really wasn’t sure what to make of this new group of people. Molly seemed to like them, but Molly always seemed to like everyone at least a little bit. The blue tiefling seemed sweet (if a little excitable) and she thought she might have seen a kindred soul in the dirty human who kept hiding in the back of the group. But, by far the most interesting (and confusing) person was the human monk who seemed to immediately attach herself to Yasha’s side. After they had left the tavern where they invited the others to the show that night, Molly had made a few lewd comments about...Beauregard? (That sounded right). Yasha wouldn’t really call herself experienced when it came to romance, but it would have been possible to identify the woman’s intentions while blinded. 

She wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about it, and she knew she wasn’t ready for another relationship, not after Zuala. But Molly had said it couldn’t hurt to at least find out more about this Beau woman, and she did have to admit that Molly had much more experience in this area than she did. Yasha was at least going to go the night with an open mind, and see what happened. 

And the young monk did not disappoint. She’d flirted and prodded, and somehow against all odds, got Yasha to carry her. In fact, Yasha did have to admit that she found the banter just a little fun. But there was...something about Beau that couldn’t quite put her finger on. 

It wasn’t extremely insightful to guess that the monk was hiding something behind the bravado. But, in the quieter moments, when Beau didn’t think anyone was watching, Yasha caught a glimpse of intense sadness on the other woman’s face. It was gone so quickly that Yasha thought she must have imagined it since it did seem so at odds with the brash attitude a minute later. 

As it turned out, Yasha didn’t have much time to think about it, because suddenly an old man turned into a monster, and the next thing she knew she was running into the woods to escape being arrested. But she did wonder what could possibly have caused such a dynamic young woman to look so sad. She was interested to find out. 

***

If Beau had had any actual close friends who knew things about her, those hypothetical close friends would immediately mention that Yasha was her exact type. Beau didn’t have anyone she was that close to though, so it was crucial that she be as loud and blatant about the fact that Yasha was her exact type from the get-go. And you know what? Beau was pretty sure she’d succeeded at that, she’d made her feelings crystal clear. Yasha hadn’t really responded to anything that Beau had pulled, but the hard to read emotions kind of went along with the gruff barbarian vibes that Beau found so attractive. 

Except…

They had just made camp for the night, and no one knew where Yasha was, so Beau figured she’d wander a little and see if she happened to find Yasha. It was really warm that night, and they were camped by a dense clump of trees that practically begged to be explored, so Beau had set out. 

As it turned out, there hadn’t been all that much to see, but just before Beau was about to call it quits, she stumbled across a small clearing, with Yasha in the center. 

The barbarian was sprawled gracelessly on the grass, gently picking wildflowers and placing them in a small notebook. And as Beau concentrated, she noticed that Yasha seemed to be softly speaking to the flowers as she did so. It wasn’t in a language Beau understood, but the meaning still came through in the tender tone. 

The woman who was sitting in the forest talking to plants in the setting sun seemed like a completely different person compared to the battle-hardened fighter who mowed down enemies like it was nothing. Beau was suddenly gripped with the knowledge that she really  _ really  _ wanted to get to know this woman who was soft and gentle like this. She really really hoped that Yasha would let Beau get to know that woman. 

***

Yasha had never met another self-proclaimed shitty person who was quite as bad at being shitty as Beau. In fact, from what Yasha had seen, Beau was a lot more sad than shitty, but that wasn’t her place to say. (There were some days when Yasha wished it was her place, wished that she was a person Beau could trust, but she highly doubted that that was ever going to be the case). 

One thing about Beau was that she  _ really  _ didn’t handle being robbed very well. So when some snot-nosed kid had tried to take the monk’s coin purse, it of course had led to a gripping chase scene through the winding roads of Zadash. There would have been no way for the whole group to follow Beau’s reckless dash, but Yasha figured someone should check to make sure Beau wasn’t about to do something needing a jailbreak later. So, she took off after Beau at a slow jog, gesturing that the rest of the group could keep heading to the inn (and quietly hoping that Beau wasn’t going to make her regret her lack of backup). 

It took her a while to locate where the monk had gone, which wasn’t entirely surprising, but after several wrong turns, she finally found the right alleyway, fully expecting to see an aggressive fistfight or at least a few black eyes. 

But as Yasha looked into the side street, she saw something quite different. 

There were 2 small children, and Beau seemed to be teaching them how to use her staff. The bigger child was even holding the staff (Yasha hadn’t seen Beau let  _ anyone _ touch her staff before). And as the group continued to mess around, Yasha couldn’t help but notice how natural Beau looked teaching. The gruffness never really left the monk’s voice, but she was laughing along with the kids when one of them made a mistake. And it was written clearly on the children’s faces that they were quickly beginning to idolize Beau. 

After giving the children a handful of coin and admonishing them to practice with the newly rigged staffs they’d made from sticks, Beau finally walked out of the alley and noticed Yasha, which caused the monk to turn bright red (Yasha was pretty sure she also ended up fairly scarlet). But as their eyes met, Yasha got the feeling that she understood Beau just a little bit more. 

***

Seeing Yasha mind-controlled hurt worse than being stabbed, Beau was sure of it. Because as much as they talked about Yasha not being in control of her actions, no one told Beau that Yasha’s eyes were going to be the same. No one told Beau that she was going to be able to look into Yasha’s eyes and see the person underneath. No one told Beau she was gonna see how much pain Yasha was in, and she hated it. 

She wished she could reach out, to try and ease Yasha’s pain just the tiniest bit, but unfortunately, she was pinned to the ground and not incredibly mobile at that moment. As her vision went spotty, Beau promised herself that when they got Yasha back, she was gonna try her fucking damnedest to make sure Yasha didn’t look that sad ever again. 

***

Yasha hadn’t wanted to believe it. How could she possibly allow herself to believe that Beauregard, of all people, had offered to leave? The sight of the monk crying made Yasha’s heart wrench, and it certainly didn’t help that Beau was rambling, which made it hard to piece together exactly what had been discussed in that hut. 

As she listened to the other members of the group ask questions and debate what they should do next, Yasha caught Beau’s eyes, and  _ shit _ , it all made sense. Yasha had never been very good with people (she would have been the first person to admit that) but looking at the pain etched on Beau’s face, Yasha got it. 

She knew what it was like to desperately want a place to belong, and she knew what the fear of losing everything you loved looked like. She knew what the look on Beau’s face felt like. She knew what it  _ meant.  _

Because, it was so often that Yasha just looked at Beau and wished that she could get the smallest glimpse of understanding into what was going on behind all those walls, but sometimes (just sometimes) something came through. And even though what came through that day wasn’t at all something Yasha wanted to be true, she was so incredibly glad to have seen it that day as she walked into the hag’s hut to try to barter something besides Beau’s happiness. 

***

The battle hadn’t even been that exciting. Beau didn’t even remember very much about it. All she knew was that she was now standing in the middle of some field, covered in blood, watching Yasha slowly get to her feet. Yasha was also covered in blood and mildly smoldering, and all Beau could feel was pure relief that the other woman was ok. Just as she was about to turn away, to go find Jester or Caduceus to heal her, Yasha looked up, and their eyes met. And Beau saw the same feeling of relief etched in Yasha’s eyes. 

She’s really not sure what made her decide that this was the time to launch herself into Yasha’s arms. By all accounts, it was a terrible decision that could have gone wrong in an infinite amount of ways. But, as Yasha’s arms closed around her, lifting Beau off the ground, she had to admit she was glad she did it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to TheWisdomQueen for actually basically outlining this one for me   
> you can find me on tumblr @somebodyshermione


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